Friday, July 18, 2008

Crash!

I thought STP was going to be tough on my a$$. In the end (no pun intended) it was fine.

Last night however my number came up. I was rollerskiing on Cypress with Tony. The session was going relatively badly (I was tired) but we were getting it done. Tony was riding his bike beside me and critiquing my form. Eventually it was time for him to ride back down to get the car (to pick me up.)

I told Tony I would practice my downhills in the parking lot until he got back. Well, I went up and down 3 or 4 times and felt confident (over-confident.)

I decided to go down Cypress.

The method for controlling speed is to push out on the wheels like a wide snowplow. This was working very well for a while.... Then the pitch increased. My speed increased as well. By and by my legs began to get tired of the perma-squat. Minutes passed and I couldn't stop and was slowly picking up speed. By this time I knew I was in some trouble.... A "mayday" call would have gone out if I had the technology.

I had all sorts of time to think about my options....

1. Somehow get a car to come in front or alongside and explain that I needed them to slow gradually with my hands on the trunk. Ha ha.... right....

2. Try to make a turn and get moving uphill - this could easily have put me down the embankment or result in a heavy wipeout on the pavement - or it could end the episode without injury. The tired legs had me thinking I would eat it if I tried.

3. Plan a crash landing and take my lumps.

The wobbles increased, I held on.... they increased again, I kept holding on..... eventually I knew it was going to end badly so I opted for plan #3.

The most "inviting" spot to lay it down was the gravel beside the road.... So I swerved to the right and tried to hang on in an upright position.... that lasted for about 1.4 seconds before my ass hit the gravel and skidded/bounced 4 or 5 times.

The result is I have little to no skin remaining on my left ass-cheek. It hurts like hell.

I tried to take a photo but it was too difficult to maintain my blog's PG rating. I may try again to get a shot but for now you'll have to imagine my poor skinless butt.

I would like to recognize the nursing efforts of my beautiful wife Sacha... As if she doesn't have enough on her plate with two kids and a baby she now has my ass (on her plate?) Well, you know what I mean.... she is awesome!

I am laying low today watching le Tour and trying to allow my hind quarters to heal. I am fortunate enough to have some drugs to help with the pain (seems quite appropriate that I would be drugged while watching the tour...) Also, red shorts... normally kind of loud, coming in very handy today...

On the topic of recent doping infractions in the Tour.... there is not much I can say that hasn't been said before. I liked the take of another blogger I read from time to time: "It's like finding out that your favourite porn star has breast implants." Ha ha... I still like it. (The tour.)

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5 comments:

richard alm said...

I hate to admit it…but I saw his ass at the gym and yes it looked bad.
‘are you here to workout?’ I asked, ‘no’ meyrick replied, ‘Ill take it easy today’
I knew it was bad for this machine to take off a workout!
Get better brother!

MJ said...

Thanks buddy.

I have gained a whole new appreciation for those tour dudes that ride covered in road rash.... I only have one spot (it is the size of a dinner plate) and I can't even imagine riding right now.

Ri said...

I too have seen the ass of M. On the whole, I'd have to say that bodies look better with skin. Yeesh...

Come on M, post your gory butt pics!

PC Ironman said...

like a train wreck, we, the public, have a need to see the damage, come on, post it, DO IT!!! Not that I wanna see your butt, but, from a medical perspecitve, I think it is necessary to further my knowledge of road rash injuries. See you in a month!
DS

MJ said...

It seems that I have shown it to almost everyone I know anyway.... so I am coming closer to posting a picture.... wouldn't want Darren to feel left out. I will spend some time in the bathroom composing a good shot.

I got a good piece of advice from Matt - "don't take the shot from between the legs." I concur.